Monday, May 19, 2003


random, strictly random

read tissa to find out how clever she is and what a catch she's found in nunu. i couldn't agree more. the boy gets points and stars and universal purrs from all females in the galaxy. * life seems to be heating up for the bean queen. * carsten's moment of glory is out for all to see and me and dan went to partake in the matrix mahem this weekend. i thought it was really good. okay, true, a little corny in parts, but overall awesome. we both feel the need to "buy the book" in order to understand/comprehend/ruminate/taste all little philosophies spouted off during the film. * yesterday was my mom's birthday. we went to big sur, and then drove right past it zooming up the coast to santa cruz and even a little further than that. we had to stop when hunger called. lunched at the cash house which was only so so, but there was a cool looking church up the street and i am very bummed that i didn't snap a picture.

i'm the only person i know who wants less web traffic. i'm upset that my site comes up when you type my name in google. oh well. i had four years of semi-autonomy and i do understand the beast on which i publish. sigh. i was just hoping it would pass me by.

i miss everybody. i'd like to go to berlin to visit carst. i'd really like to do that. i'd like to write a book. a travel journal. a song or fifeen. go climb a mountain.

ramble.

the good news is that mercury is leaving its retrograde momentum tomorrow. i can't wait until tomorrow. i'm very tired of the retrograde. i wanna go full speed ahead.

Friday, May 16, 2003

what a week it's been

can i get an exhausted sigh? i knew i could. i am wiped out. pooped. done. dog tired, yo. heh. but there is good news. and the good news is that i have three brand-spankin' new blogs for you to peruse:

what to expect? they are all so cleanly new...

sweet dog k
i say that sweet dog k will be full of her own private obispo... stories of mama cat and her boy, h.b. sweetdogk was my colorado travel pardner and is one of my very best friends. a real sweety in the grand scheme of sweetness. and also one of the bravest people i know. she might shed a tear, but i swear to god she will win in the long run every single time. the girl is made of steel. and yet remains all heart. how nice is that?

random tissa
tissa is sass, sass and more sass. if she sat next to me at work i'm sure my blog would be filled with one overheard after the other. also, expect excellent online shopping tips and stories of her boy nunu who will eventually kill her for spilling all his beans. she is an avid emdot reader — which of course gives her instant credibility. she dances hula and can fold a mean, and i mean supermean, origami crane. or three.

white space oasis
mizz oasis is the hip hop hipster of the great midwest. she lives in the coolest house in town, and has one groovin' life. i might want to switch lives with her. she had a gnarly car crash that included an iced road, a steep embankment and her brand new beetle and lived to tell. we shed a tear for her car. and celebrate that she's here to tell the tales. PLUS, she actually met andrea scher. i told you she was cool.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

open access

woodencracker, the sneaky little monkey that he is, was war driving down the streets of san luis and found a lot of wide open spaces. and either my house couldn't be accessed or he was kind enough not to publish it. :)

what i love about wc's site: we share the same san luis. his pics make me smile because they tend to be of my neighborhood or of my haunts. the world is small and slo is but a speck of small.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

about blogging... or life in general: from ikat

ultimately i think self-expression should be primarily to please oneself and if someone else sees or reads your work that is irrelevant / aplause is great of course / i loved the moment the first year i lived on the mesa when i found the barrel cactus blooming her bright pink flowers out "in the middle of nowhere" with only me to admire and adore and yet she wd bloom anyway / and i thought yes yes yes — katherine h.
okay, and now it's really not that bad

i love it when you are [simon & garfunkle] weary, feeling low and from out of the wordwork come a bastion of believers-in-you. that is heart-swelling. ;) i feel lucky.

meanwhile, i had a great weekend. i spent mother's day with my father (and plan on spending father's day with my mom). my dad is wise. and sometimes full of shit [grin]. but mostly wise. and he gave me new glasses with which to see my reality. thank god. i needed that. we had a really nice, mellow, kickback weekend. we watched hockey, some boxing, and a snippet of the lakers (he caught more than me). and with janet we watched ice skating (wow. there was a lot of tv time this weekend). we talked a lot. we watched catch me if you can. he made excellent refriend-beans-and-eggs burritos (reminder to self: get the beans recipe; it was awesome. and janet made salmon to die for). we talked more. and more. and more. he's a good dad.

and i feel very thankful to have the parents i have. blessed is actually the word i would use. very blessed. to have both of them.

Friday, May 09, 2003

okay, it's not that bad

my boohooing had one good affect: i got a phone call from katej. i've known kate for five years. she lives in the winterest part of canada. okay, perhaps not the winterest part, but damn near. she's part of [dw], my little cyber-enclave. and tonight she called me to make sure i was okay. and when we hung up — after almost an hour — she said, "now do you have my phone number? just in case...."

we talked and laughed and laughed. and in between the laughter we hit on some real things. like how life actually gets rawer as you get older. and i said how if you let yourself think about it you would cry every day. and not because it is sad so much as it is just tender.

i mentioned that i grew up in a small town...

kate: how big was it?
mar: oh, less than ten.
kate: ten?
mar: ten thousand.
kate: i thought you meant only ten and i would say that is smaller than the town i grew up in which had 150.
mar: that's not a town; it's a neighborhood.
kate: well it was a village; it might only be a hamlet now.

i talked to timothy, too, who also had words of advice.

he said, about my recent struggles... "you know, "x" isn't the same as it was when it first came into your life."

and that is cryptic but it was lightningbolt clear when he said it and it is so true.

and i wonder how many of us go through life clinging to things that aren't what they were when they first came into our lives?

i'm sure i could write that more eloquently, but that is going to have to do for now.

xoxo (for kate, etc),

it was a fucked up week, yo

okay okay, party foul. i know i cannot get away with the "yo" of yore. oh well.

overheard

dan h. was typing...

dan (typing): d a n i l
dan: i can't type worth a damn.
mar: you can't type worth a dan

Monday, May 05, 2003

American Good Intentions

So violent in achieving nonviolence
A journey to the moon and the discovery of kundalini
Spiritual testimonials and presidential promises
Law and order and militant monasticism
Colorful gurus on sale at the A & P
Buddhologists
Rosicrucians
Masons
Zen profundity
Benevolent Protective Order of Elks
Electricity by the megawatts
Potential children discover potential parents
Virginia aristocrats
New York Jews
Mississippi is a meaningless noun
Idaho with its potatoes
Cape Kennedy with its moon
Washington, D.C., with its clean-cut
Chicago with its notorious Mafiosi
Telegraph Avenue sells Himalayan art in Berkeley
Canadian internationalism a cheap copy of the U.S.'s
A franchised Ugandan dictator
Black
Yellow
Crimson
Purple
All are primitive jokes
White cons black into grey
War is an opportune time to create peace
Nationwide respectability fails to include street-trained dogs
Oath of Allegiance violates a sense of humor
Yellow cabs roar through skyscraper canyons
Urban jackals patrol the streets crying red white and blue
Officials entertaining foreign dignitaries
Are busy apologizing for the presence of radical demonstrators

Wide as American inspiration
Profound as American patriotism
Protector of the free world
Praiseworthy
Questionable
Dignity is the object
God save America, our karmic sweet home.

Chogyam Trungpa, May 1972
First Thought Best Thought, pp. 14-15
copyright Diana J. Mukpo

Sunday, May 04, 2003

insights on fear [from life of pi]

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know it. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread. — Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Saturday, May 03, 2003

colorado mini picture fest



allison and her par amour robin, posing amongst the denver buffalo. kristin in the birches. (okay, those aren't birches, but she is a bertsch so it is fun to say). one of the many elk in estes park.



as goes every trip i take to boulder, every single day i find myself at the boulder bookstore. great books, great journals, great dark chocolate bars, and the best americanos in america. well, i think. the other great thing about pearl street are the amazingly good buskers. this trip we got to listen to some great street bluegrass. if you click on the picture you'll see miss kb off to the left.



tulips on pearl street. beds and beds of them. blocks and blocks of them. pictures and pictures of them.
overheard

rem: i hate it when people think they know shit. that is my pet peeve.

Friday, May 02, 2003

vic chesnutt & m. ward... overheard

last night we had the distinct pleasure of seeing vic chesnutt and m. ward in the most intimate concert. about 65 tickets. a room the size of a living room. i sat maybe 5 feet from vic's guitartist. maybe it was 4 feet. it was the second to the last gig of their three-week tour. it was... lucky... for those of us in the audience.

between sets vic mentioned how much he had enjoyed touring with matt and that he was sad it was ending. this was while he and matt were setting up their instruments for the first song.

"Matt, " Vic said, beginning a sentence. "I mean [short pause and then an emphasis] 'M.'"

We cracked up.

And then they talked about who Vic would be touring with next, Andrew Bird.

"Is that his real name?" asked Matt.
"No, it's Andrew Lizard," said Vic.
"I thought it was "A," said a voice from the crowd.

The audience cracked up. And after another very short pause Vic said, "A. Bird."

Maybe you had to be there.

The voice from the crowd was none other than the recently moved out, Dan. And then he was on a roll. I think he shouted out two more quips before Vic's set started and I was a little worried we had a heckler on our hands.

Matt was great. His vocals... so soft and scratchy at the same time. He whispered his thanks into the microphone. He took his guitar from lilty and ditty-ish to driving fast and furious and sloppy strumming. Sometimes sonorous. Sometimes discordant. Mesmerizing.

I wasn't a Vic Chesnutt fan going in. I'd heard his name for years, but had never heard his songs. Glen Starkey, our local music critic wrote a glowing interview — warning the readers that he was an unabashed fan. Still... I didn't go in with huge expectations. But soon I realized that we were watching something really great. At times his set dragged a little, but he still kept the audience. His vocals (probably no one will agree with me) reminded me of Bowie. His style a little Jonathan Richman-ish. Not that I was trying to peg him and his style... but I had both thoughts several times. I bought his latest CD Silver Lake for the song "In My Way, Yes." It is a beautiful song.
the cozy fog... the late spring rain

we had no winter this year. well, technically, yes we went through the months designated as winter. but the weather never seemed to match up. but spring has been wet and sometimes even cold. such as today. heavy, thick clouds that reach the ground. i love it and with absolutely nothing planned this weekend (due to rain cancellation) i'm looking forward to a cozy weekend. i've got a great book to read and lots of new music to listen to.

overheard

jeremiah (jb) was an unknowing ghandi... and blossoming mlk jr at a very early age

jb: i also realized that if my brother threw things at me and i threw them back that he would have a new weapon waiting. so i stopped throwing them back and the war was over.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

blogger bites

please excuse blogger's page formatting. it's not the most consistant server in the world.
[boulder, part iii] nothing tastes better...

we could have stood in the free cone line two, three, four times that day. we walked past it a bunch. "free cones!" said the guy working the crowd, inviting us in. "we already had one," we told him and he shrugged and gave a knowing smile, "nothing tastes better than a free ice cream cone." a couple of hours later a couple homeless-looking men were pimping the free scoops from their bench perches. "free ice cream," they called out, "nothing tastes better...."

the buskers on pearl street were really good. like, why-are-you-out-here-busking and not-at-some-local-pub if not-working-as-a-studio-musician or even-have-your-own-record good. the first guy, who serenaded in our general direction during a breakfast jaunt, knew every southern-70s song and sang them as if his last name was almann or doobie or may have tended to some dixie chickens (perhaps he was our tennessee man?). down a block was a lyre-banjo duo playing amazing bluegrass. they should have had a bigger crowd.
[boulder, part ii] but a million things really did go right

but i forgot to mention the bits of goodness that framed our trip: allison's show was a lot of fun and the cast (especially our miss kissling, of course) was really talented; everywhere we needed to be, we got to in the nick o' time. i mean... down to the thousandth of a second! we shoulda had olympic stop watches with us, we were so precise (or was that lucky?). fun music, especially laura love (her song "trickle down" became our anthem with the first two songs as our car-seat boogie soundtrack). great food (we lived on warm turkey focaccia sandwiches). the boulder bookstore. (mmmm. they make the best americano.). all the books we bought (lots! and they are great!). tulips tulips tulips. elk elk elk. harleys harleys harleys. (and for kristin) mtn bikers mtn bikers mtn bikers (!!) <-- exclamation points for her as well. (she's a mountain biker). oh and we cannot leave out the free ben and jerry's cones! yum. what else? being able to catch a mighty wind. fun dinners about town. i'm sure i'm missing other little trip treats that seemed to place themselves in front of us at many a turn.
boulder, bolder

kristin, often seen here referred to as kb, and i went to denver. our friend, and former coworker, allison was in a musical review in longmont. we'd both been wanting to get away and spend some r&r time kicking back, so we thought we'd go out to see allison's play and then have some time to relax and enjoy the rocky mountain air.

denver was fun (cherry creek in particular), but boulder and it's suroundings were really great. tulips and buskers are quickly taking over pearl street, while bikers (both kinds) rule the roadways and the elk rule the pastures (in estes national park.). pictures to come.

it only got super stressful when america worst, our airline du jour, made us late for our connecting flight back to slo town last night. it was disappointing. the entire plane was cranky. i think we all missed our connecting flights. and we ended up at a third-rate radison (please, never stay there) with astonishingly overpriced meals and almost nonexisting service. (this would be the part where i got cranky). kristin had sprained her ankle. so the running to the missed connection, the having to go back afterwards, the waiting in line for overnight stay, and the lugging around of bags was just one big bummer. kind of a drag way to end a really fun little trip.

but we realized it could have been a million times worse.
  • the hail that stormed the car on our way to denver international, could have cracked our windshield or created an accident.

  • the car, which was on E for the entire mad dash to the airport, could have ran out of gas (in said hail storm).

  • we could have paid $5 a gallon to fill up at Thrifty Car Rental (we were able to fill up just outside the airport).

  • there could have been a plane crash.

  • there could have been crying babies.

  • there could have been really important events to miss, like a wedding or some such.

  • there could have been no room at the inn.

so like the sign i saw in a boulder boutique said, "a million things went right today."

Friday, April 25, 2003

truths

i love the bean for many reasons. but her comments about truth and non-truths (i say, not wanting to type the word lies, but there i did it) is spot-on. and sad. viva la guts to say the truth.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

advice

my friend stephen sent me a list of pics, via ofoto. taken a while back, some halloween, some from tom's birthday a couple of weeks ago, there was one picture of s. that was just nice. and i told him, nice pic. show that to all girls you may be interested in. very hot. and he wrote back and said, really? i don't really see that. and i wrote back and said,

"really? you didn't think the blue shirt picture was hot? seriously. put that in your wallet. bring it out. show it off. make it a permanent attachment file for all email going to the double-x chromosome types. i like the twinkly eyes and the sexy necklace. also, could be used as trump card in the middle of a fight. you could pull it out and go "see? remember?" and then said mad girl will melt like butter and everything will be better in the world."

damn. i should start my own love advice column. i'd do it. i would. but then they (the ubiquitous they) would say, what are your credentials? and then i'd be, oh, yeah. that's right. never mind.