Saturday, July 30, 2005

A Little Concert

A Little Concert
Originally uploaded by Vision Aerie.
Brett Dennen - Free Concert
Sunday the 31st 2PM – 5PM
"Live On The Rocks" Music Series
Cliffs Resort
2757 Shell Beach Rd
Shell Beach CA 93449
805.773.5056 x 650

Monday, July 25, 2005

license to fill

license to fill
Originally uploaded by emdot.
clearing clutter

Something I've been wanting to do for several months is to declutter my digital life. This web site, for instance, needs an overhaul in structure and link updates. Other things: my RSS subscriptions; my bookmarks; my email (do I really need to save/archive every email that comes to me? I think no.); my files.

As much as decluttering your house or your workspace can create a sense of space and order, I think the same is true for our desktops, our web sites, our digital lives.

I'm going to do this this week.


What is it about foreign language rap? Love it. Just listened to Ten La Fe... chairdancing-head nodding good.


Originally uploaded by o2ma.
Yet another good blog post from Ottmar on "enligtenment."

A couple of years ago two friends had come over to complain about an aquaintance's proclamation that she had reached enligtenment.

Me being one of the few Buddhists that they knew could surely refute this woman's claim. "Okay, this is what she said," they said to me as they related the story.

Who am I to say if someone has reached enlightenment or not? Believe me, I'm not one to say. However, I do believe that we all can have moments and flashes of enlightenment. We can have them all the time. Any time, any day. Regardless of your religious affiliation or your beliefs, I'm sure you can think of several moments in your life when everything became perfectly clear, perfectly open, perfectly calm. These moments are fleeting, but I also believe, can come more often the better we are at learning to keep our minds still and our hearts open.

» Read Ottmar's post

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Draw Me Please

Draw Me Please
Originally uploaded by tozzo.
A Flickrite named Fant is one of the stipple artists for the WSJ and she was featured today on NPR. Listen to it here.

after work pitcher: it's a beautiful thing

i'm weak! weak i tell you

Tom just called. "What are you up to?" he asked.

"Dude -- must work; I've been putting it off for days."

"Hmmm," he says. "I understand. It's just that a patio sounds so good."

"A patio and a beer?" I ask. "Yes, that sounds divine."


"Okay, you buy and I'll go," says little Miss No Willpower.

Thirty minutes and we'll be hitting the Gus's beer garden. And I ask you, what could be more lovely on a Sunday afternoon?

Really fun weekend. Last night I saw the sneak preview of Must Love Dogs (which this morning I renamed Must Love John Cusack) and today I saw Mad Hot Ballroom (yeah, I know, it's been out for a while. But I live in Podunk and we get movies later than all y'all city folk. Don't think I don't resent it.).

I went to see Must Love John Cusack with Slogrl and afterwards, because I was starving, we mosied over to Big Sky to grab a little something to eat. Who sat down only minutes before us? Richard and Michael who waved us over and asked us to join their table.

Total fun. Totally great convo. Totally great food. Totally great time. Chat chat chat. Laugh laugh laugh. My evenings out on the town have been curbed in the last six months or so, so it was a real treat. Plus, La Slogrl ordered a cake called something like "Secret Pleasure Chocolate Cake" and only ate half which meant I got to eat at least five forkfuls myself. Yum.

So, work. Yeah. Must get to that. But it is hot. I mean hot-hot. I mean, how do those people in Paso survive in this heat kind of hot. So beer and patio must take a high priority.

I love summer.
The Street
by Franz Wright

On it lives one bird

who commences singing, for some reason best known to
itself, at precisely 4 a.m.

Each day I listen for it in the night.

I too have a song to say alone

but can't begin. On it, surrounded by blocks of
black warehouses,

is located this room. I say this room, but no one

how many rooms I have. So many rooms how shall I

so many . . . Also yours, though you are never

It's true I've been gone a long time.

But I have come back. I have.

Where are you?

I can change.


I really like that poem up until the last two lines, and then it loses me. Or I should say, it leaves me feeling uncomfortable. But then I realize, that was a very raw and real thing for him to write. Maybe that's why it makes me uncomfortable. But regardless, it took all my willpower to not edit out those last two lines.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

it's my life -- yeah -- swing it daddio!

I've been crowing about this CD for a couple of days, after hearing a few cuts from it on my public radio station. Paul Anka sings Nirvana, The Cure, and Van Halen like you've never heard them before.

I was telling someone else earlier, I love the cross-genre remakes. You know, like the Gourds covering Gin and Juice.

» Listen to the NPR segment

* * *

But, I forgot to turn "shuffle" off on iTunes (was going to settle in to an albumful of Anka) and the next song was Lambchop. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: I LOVE LAMBCHOP. I can't really tell you why.... but I do and there you have it.

Spent the evening with my sister. I really lucked out in the sibling department. It would be hard to find a sweeter person, truly. OH! And, me being the poor lacking-cable sod that I am, I was super excited about watching OLN at her house. Finally able to watch a little Tour de France. Go, Lance, Go!!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

angry monkeys

angry monkeys
Originally uploaded by awfulsara.
from rob brezny

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In the 1933 movie *King Kong,* the starring gorilla appeared to be 25 feet tall--so humongous that airplanes had to shoot him down from the top of the Empire State Building. But the model used to depict Kong in that era of primitive special effects was just 18 inches high. This discrepancy is similar to the gap between your perceptions of your personal monster and the truth about it, Virgo. It may seem to be a giant, but in reality you could hold it in the palm of your hand.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


mar: and not to go off on a tangent—
greg: how could we do that? first we'd need a subject.

good point. :)

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Originally uploaded by It'sGreg.
such a sweetness to this photo, isn't there?

i'm supposed to go to a party today. a big party. a huge party. my former landlords are throwing it up at their ranch in san simeon (that's where hearst castle is, for those of you out of the county type of readers). a really fun ska-ish reggaesque band will be playing (resination) and i'm going up there with awfulsara.

but i've had this much needed do nothing morning (now afternoon) and am a hair's width away from going into major hermit mode.

must fight the hermit mode. must rally and want to go to party.

okay. will rally.

meanwhile, this little bird photo. such a sweety, isn't it?

shedding light

shedding light
shedding light
Originally uploaded by emdot.
172 Email

That's how many email were in my inbox. They didn't all need responses. Many needed to be tossed. Some needed to be archived. But this morning, still, I was faced with 172 email in my inbox.

I whittled it down to 26.

If you sent me an email and I didn't respond, hopefully I will be responding semi-soonly.

(Coincidentally, I also have 72 unread email in my flickr email account; Crossing my fingers that those are mostly group invites and new contacts that I've already responded to.)

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


Originally uploaded by emdot.
I'm doing much better

It's not that I was doing poorly. But things like rejection can kind of make you question yourself. Or they do me.

Cognitively this is what I think: we can't take it personally. We just can't. Because there is no explaining love or attraction. I think both of these things contact with the ethereal can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-itness of connection. I read in a book once that attraction has way more to do with issues we need to work out than with anything else.

That doesn't sound very romantic, but I think there is something there. Harville Hendricks calls this the imago. We're all the walking wounded in some ways (some visibly, some invisibly). We connect with people who are similarly wounded -- god that sounds ridiculous. What is another word to use?

I don't know. But, despite how lame it sounds, it is still what I believe. You can't take this stuff personally.

One of my friends is the type who will really rally to your defense. She's like the unconditional support friend. She said "but Marya you deserve more and you deserve to have that person treat you like a Queen."

Which of course I agree with. But the problem with that is, in the beginning the relationship isn't at that level. I mean, you can't just jump to immediate royalty status. So, sometimes people are just their confused, but well-meaninged selves who don't know for themselves if they "like" you or not, much less know if they are "leading you on" (which he wasn't -- but maybe this friend thought he was) . I mean, I'm the same way - not knowing half the time where I stand or where I want things to go. So, I can't take that route unless I'm the pot dating the kettle.

But you gotta appreciate her support. :)

Yesterday was one of those warm and fuzzies ones when the entire world comes out to say "so sorry, but we are on your side." I got five flickr mail AND a flickr call from England (Paulie, that old rascal -- and he has a GREAT english accent). I got taken on a long hike up Bishops with some great insight from Tom.

KB had me over for lunch and we watched the "He's Just Not That Into Me" episode of Sex and the City (which is brilliant). That? Sign of a perfect friend.

So, my ego is already healing. And there will be no bad feelings. And if I was a saner person I wouldn't write all this crap in a weblog, but might take a more socially acceptable lock-and-key diary route. But c'mon, sometimes there's nothing quite as cathartic as just getting all out there.

Then you can look and point and say "see!" and then leave it be.
more dharmic insight from sogyal rinpoche and tom

Tom (aka the Dalai Tomma) is my buddhist friend who periodically forwards dharmic email blasts to me, Stevo and Wyeth that he gets from a buddhist email group he subscribes to.
"Training" the mind does not in any way mean forcibly subjugating or brainwashing the mind. To train the mind is first to see directly and concretely how the mind functions, a knowledge that you derive from spiritual teachings and through personal experience in meditation practice. Then you use that understanding to tame the mind and work with it skillfully, to make it more and more pliable, so that you can become master of your mind and employ it to its fullest and most beneficial end. — Sogyal Rinpoche
Tom: This is the technique I employ on you 3. YOU ARE NOT BEING BRAINWASHED. TOM IS THE MASTER OF YOUR MIND! OBEY HIM!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

weird unexplainable shit

all i want to listen to this morning is 50s music.

shedding light

shedding light
Originally uploaded by emdot.
alright. alright.

i removed that last post on the basis of being a bit over the top and maudlin.

edited to add:
alright alright. i put the post back up. i guess it wasn't that maudlin. though, i make it sound a little worse than it was. i mean in reality, what was there to break up? my fantasy world which was stretching to make the thing fit in the first place? i roll my eyes at myself.

Monday, July 11, 2005

So tonight was kinda interesting

Originally uploaded by emdot.
So tonight was kinda interesting

I kinda got dumped.

Not exactly. No. Not quite. But things were made clear. In that round about sorta hazy way. So, in other words, totally clear. Cut and dry. I got called "buddy" twice and, c'mon, I speak enough of the male language to understand what that means. (That wasn't the whole of it, just two pieces of evidence).

And even while the whole conversation was happening and I could feel my face sinking into the carpet and my stomach was trying to decide to stay put or to launch itself in a projectory way, I knew it was for the better.

It's better to know up front, right?

I drove home (20 minute drive) sad and mad and indignant and both relishing my instincts (which repeatedly told me it was not a go) to being sad that my hunches were right on. Too confused to cry or yell and too emotional to go numb.

I turned into my driveway to find three of my dearests friends in the front yard and was blown away by the relief — utmost relief — I felt at even just seeing them.

The second or third thing out of my mouth was "I need a drink." So, we got out some crackers, sliced up some cheese, slid a mini goat cheese pizza into the oven and headed for the back porch, bottle of Shiraz in hand. And these three treasured souls listened to me trying to make heads or tails out of the evening's happenings.

I went from confused and sad to kind of ... how to say... well, at the least, fine with it and feeling rich in friendship. Make that a capital R. A capital F. Rich in Friendship.

fun house office door

fun house office door
Originally uploaded by emdot.
rigpa glimpses and the wise asses

We are so addicted to looking outside ourselves that we have lost access to our inner being almost completely. We are terrified to look inward, because our culture has given us no idea of what we will find. We may even think that if we do, we will be in danger of madness. This is one of the last and most resourceful ploys of ego to prevent us from discovering our real nature.

So we make our lives so hectic that we eliminate the slightest risk of looking into ourselves. Even the idea of meditation can scare people. When they hear the words egoless or emptiness, they think that experiencing those states will be like being thrown out the door of a spaceship to float forever in a dark, chilling void. Nothing could be further from the truth. But in a world dedicated to distraction, silence and stillness terrify us; we protect ourselves from them with noise and frantic busyness. Looking into the nature of our mind is the last thing we would dare to do. — Sogyal Rinpoche
Tom: Hey, anybody want to go get drunk?
Wyeth: How 'bout getting drunk and jumping out of a spaceship into a freezing void? That sounds kinda cool...
In today’s highly interdependent world, individuals and nations can no longer resolve many of their problems by themselves. We need one another. We must therefore develop a sense of universal responsibility . . . It is our collective and individual responsibility to protect and nurture the global family, to support its weaker members, and to preserve and tend to the environment in which we all live. — THE DALAI LAMA
Tom: Who is this Dali Lama guy?

Sunday, July 10, 2005

moving target

Originally uploaded by o2ma.
yes yes yes

I continue to love the blog and photostream of Ottmar Liebert.

I especially liked his recent blog entry on being stuck and "final destinations." Yes yes exactly yes.

» OL's Moving Target post

I love how photography can show you glimpses of another person's personality. Or, when you get glimpses into what is important to them, what resonates with them, how they see the world. Two of my favorite streams are from Zen Buddhists and I love how their spirituality is captured in their photography. OR maybe I am reading too much into it. But, me, I swear I can see it.

» O2ma (Ottmar)
» Ten Directions

rip tide: swim thataway

rip tide: swim thataway
Originally uploaded by emdot.
There were a couple of things I figured

Somethings become crystal clear the minute you allow the exact opposite thought to slip out of your mouth.

Things like "I've had these sunglasses for seven years," and all of a sudden you know in your gut that those sunglasses's days are numbered.

Lately I've been boasting about my level of health. While the last 18 months have been tough (okay, okay, I put on a happy face, but as stated before, the past three YEARS have been tough, but for different reasons), my health has been amazingly perfect. Perfect. Not a cough. Not a sneeze. There were a couple of times when I thought maybe a cold was coming on, but nothing a heavy dose of Wellness formula couldn't defend.

And so I've been boasting about my lack or cold or flu. And basking. Boasting. Basking. Until I left the job-that-sucked-my-soul-dry, I'd been frequently sick. Which I think has to do with being frequently stressed and working 60+ hours a week (and nine hours on Christmas that I'm still a little bitter about). I left the job and have not been sick since.

In the last couple of weeks, tho, my mom got sick, KB got sick and Matt got sick. Matt was sick for a couple of weeks.

So I bought a new bottle of Wellness Forumula. I'm not sick yet and I hope that sentence gets switched to "and I didn't get sick at all." But in the back of my mind I can't help but remember all that bad-karma-inducing boastfest. Damn my bragging! :)

The sunglasses bit the dust 10 days ago. Please dear god, spare the health! Spare the health!

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Game's up Daffy

The Game's up Daffy
Originally uploaded by publicenergy.
Oh man. Poor Daffy never stood a chance. Welcome to Project Clayhem, a brilliant creation by some flickr'rs new to me, for those who hunt pottery.

I've been in the OC for the past week. Nice to get away and spend some time with the fam. My brother is here from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Wait, lemme, rephrase that, my brother is newly transplanted here, from Halifax, Nova Scotia. He and my dad leave for a six or eight week retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center tomorrow, so I won't see either for the rest of the summer. But when they get back, Evvy will be a bonafide California resident.