Friday, August 29, 2003


marya: we should promote you to project management.
kurt: would i get a pay increase?
marya: pain increase? why yes, yes you would.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003


what if there was balance all along and it is just us, individually who choose to stand on the see-saw wrong, creating the imbalance we complain about?
everything turn turn turn
from the friendship spam file (thanks carrie!) :)

While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. What direction is your foot going now?

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

on why i love mark morford, part I

Writes Morford, "Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer and most vile town-killing mass-consumerist faux-Christian leviathan of dumbed-down sweatshop landfill swill that numbs your will to live and kills souls dead, on Monday increased its sales forecast for August. Wal-Mart said it was expecting sales in stores open at least a year to increase sales by between 4 percent and 6 percent for the month, mostly due to its ongoing water supply-poisoning brain-control program in the nation. In sales last week, Wal-Mart said its best-selling categories were food, electronics, men's apparel, hardware, pharmacy, toys and intimate apparel. Wait wait wait. Did you just say "intimate apparel"? Why yes, yes I did. Does that mean, you know, underwear and lingerie? Why yes, yes it does. Does that mean somewhere deep in the tragically warped national psyche millions of sexually denuded erotically misinformed persons are actually somehow beginning to link sensuality and erotic behavior and intimacy of any kind whatsoever with the overlit landfill wasteland that is Wal-Mart? Why yes, I'm afraid it does. The company said sales were strongest on the East Coast. Does that mean you should avoid dating anyone on the entire eastern seaboard who enthusiastically pores through the lingerie section of the latest Wal-Mart circular? Why yes, yes it absolutely goddamn does."

Saturday, August 23, 2003

how to beat lethargy

step one: go to a funny, light-hearted movie with your mom. so i did. l'auberge espangole. four stars and the company was good and very forgiving. sometimes i think you just need a prescription for two hours of straight laughter. hard order; very valuable if you can get it filled.

step two: spend time with very dear friend, her family, and two baby girls. i am very honored to say i was present for lily mae's first laugh. it was really fantastic. sue is great and her girls are beautiful and mellow and riley rose is just... amazing. sue's mom is a kindred spirit as well. sue and i went to college together (or we atleast took great dance classes together and then went out for mandatory vegan sandwiches in between classes singing absolute torch and twang at the top of longs, driving back up from the beach to campus) and i have yet to meet anyone who can make me laugh as hard as she can (ethel mermen singing axl rose comes to mind, 13 years ago, and i was laughing so hard i couldn't even walk to class.

the summer that followed sue lived with me and my dad in irvine and we had a daily ritual of Jump in the Pool. it was a very important game. how to play: all friends get in pool. one person gets out. people in pool shout to friend on how to Jump in the Pool. such as "karate kid in the pool" and the person jumps accordingly. i am very happy to say that this tradition continues with riley rose. i'm sure she is a pro.

Friday, August 22, 2003

i am so tired

i woke up this morning exhausted. and i don't just mean a little more than tired. my blood would not wake up. my bones could not open their eyes. i made it through about an hour of work, but my brain was on an infinite loop between nothing1 and nothing2. i had to go home and put myself back to bed.

sometimes lying on your back, head on a pillow, blanket over you is the most delicious gift you can give yourself. like a piece of bread with butter to someone starving. so after spending most of my day in that position i find myself still yawning like tiger in the middle of the zoo day. my eyes are still tearing as if it was bright and early.

i spent the day with po bronson, reading his book what should i do with my life? perfect book and perfect timing. no no no, i'm not quitting my job and heading to the african jungle, but like i said earlier this morning, the book is like one big long extended permission slip.

permission to risk for going what feeds your soul. permission to fail miserably in the process. permission that actually takes you towards something that is less prestigious, if that is what you need. permission to go towards what is right for you, not your appearance or status.

heh. i'm sure many of you thought i wasn't interested in things like appearance or status anyway. and mostly i'm not. but there is still the nagging doubt. or the energy to have to explain yourself and your dreams.

last month i read a great quote that has become a bit of a marya-mantra: don't agonize; organize. there is a part of me that wants to hold this quote at arms distance, which is ironic as i am employed as a project manager. but i think i've had a rationalization that it was okay to plan and map out at work, but that was a much too uptight existance for real life. where's the passion? where's the spontanaeity?

but i really think that this motto is the key. the key. the key. the key.

so many great quotes from bronson's book. maybe i will type a few up here. meanwhile, i feel excited to write again. and feel that it is no coincidence that i've been reading more. and not just any old book, but really connecting with the authors' voices.

the title of this post is funny because there is a song i've listened to about 100 times this week and it is called "i am so tired." did my constant repeat become a declaration to the cosmos? a self-fulfilling prophesing? or just a foreshadowing soundtrack to an inevitably prone friday?
words of wisdom, a la the bean queen

you generally have two camps in design, the covetous and defensive (really a product of the sense that their is a limited market for people who want cool stuff/houses/etc so they best not give away their mojo) vs. those who just want to see everyone able to do their thing, believing they'll benefit in the end anyhow. — raebean

i think this is true in general and breaks down to two motivators: fear and love. probably not quite so black and white, as the fear-based have love and the love-base feel fear, just that either camp doesn't let the other motivator talk over the prevalent. i'm sure i can word that better.

i've been reading po bronson. he is my own little permission slip.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

word hangover

palm box car

do you ever feel hungover and cringe-y after a late night of talking? that's how i feel today: like i totally overindulged in my own speakingvoice last night. barf. i wish there was a no-talking-wagon. i'd be on it.

a new music morsel

box cars blue sky

last night was music extravaganza and i heard someone i'd never heard before and i loved it and bought the cd and now feel like a have a little something special in the stereo. that little morsel of tasty music goodness is the graves, made up mostly of greg olin and punctuated and marinated with some of his friends. it is a lazy, lacksidaisical sunday afternoon, this cd (called love love love). if you wanna take a listen contact me and i'll see if i can hook you up.

so last night was the singersongwriter thing at frog and peach. (is that what it is? singersongwriter showcase?). i caught the graves, tim bluhm (of the mother hips) and a surprise of kyle field. so it was a night of boy crooners and well worth it. it was also the slo-portland old school reunion week, i think. so nice to see everyone and to see everyone who came out to see them.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

kb's back & it was rem's birthday

kb's back from down under. it was so great to see her. i missed her so much. i hung out with her and bret just a little but tonight we had full girl night with wine and sex & the city. what more can you ask for? someone who is nice and kind and fun and great? okay — you can ask for it and and you will find it all in kristin.

it was rem's birthday and the superhero-underpants party was a huge rocking rolling underoo good time. no i did not wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes (most everyone else did though). but i did have superpower boots, hat and badge. i started to put more pictures up from the party, but am having second thoughts... some of these i better run past the partygoers first. there was leopard-thong-a-not-so-plenny and lots and lots of crazy costumes. keep your eye peeled, incase i get the green light.

this morning i had a very nice surprise from shane-c. i was walking to gus's for a cup of joe. he was rounding a corner. this morphed into me showing him my new place (which i am moving into in about a month) and then a cup of coffee that morphed into a trip to linnaea's which morphed into hourlong excellent talk over espresso eggs and the best damn waffles in town. it was the perfect sunday morning.

finally i took a stroll down my favorite bike lane today. regular readers will know that i love this walk. i took pictures at noon-day so the sun is harsh and things are washed out. but how much more can you really wash out an august day on the central coast? everything is a faded brown or a faded gray and even the birds are hightailing it for greener pastures. but it was still fun to wander and click.

pith helmet

"To be satisfied with only that type of confidence can be a grave error. My mother told me this when she was at the verge of death, "There is no point in being proud because you are a tulku. There is also no point in being proud because you have studied the books and received a lot of empowerments and transmissions. You need to soften your heart, make your stream of being gentle, practice a lot. Without practicing, it is not enough to be conceited and think 'I'm a tulku!' There is nothing flabbergasting about having through read stacks of scriptures. The main point is to scrutinize you attitude and use practice to improve yourself. The Buddhist practice should be taken personally to heart. Make yourself more gentle, soft, peaceful, loving, compassionate, and insightful concerning the empty nature of things. Always check yourself to see whether you improve in these areas. Check yourself, but also question an authentic master, make an offering of your understanding. Behave in a straightforward way, don't pretend to be special, otherwise your life becomes a great delusion. You won't find many people who dare to tell you this. Most people will simply offer praise, telling how nice you are. I am honestly telling you this." — chogyam trungpa rinpoche

Saturday, August 16, 2003


t.: what have you got planned for today?
m.: i'm getting my act together.
t.: today?
m.: well, i'm hopeful.
t.: yer a damned optimist.

one of my talents is that i am a sleeper. if i'm tired, i sleep and it doesn't necessarily have to be quiet or conducive. this comes in handy on cross country road trips or what have you. but last night there was a ruckus across the street. i vaguely remember hearing a fight and yelling... but it didn't quite wake me up. but a girl screaming "get aWAY from me!" several times was enough to shake me out of dreamland. but before i could call 911 or see even just see what was going on there was a fire engine and three cop cars. she cried and cried and cried for at least 30 minutes -- big gulping punctuating cries.

i have no idea what happened but i definitely couldn't sleep after that, though i tried. finally i surrendered to wakefulness and read. and now it is 6am. time to get up.

Friday, August 15, 2003

pirate zen master

the new creation of marya and craig

pirate zen master koan one: wherever you go, there you argh!

pirate zen master koan two: what is the sound of one hand clapping?


marya: did he just say "female ghetto" again?
mark: no i did not. it's no longer the female ghetto. ben's back.
marya: oh, are you "gent"rifying the neighborhood?

minutes later i repeat this story...

mark: it wasn't funny the first time.


Thursday, August 14, 2003


craig: he probably had some crazy tool; he's a unix freak.
marya: he's a eunich?
craig: he's a power eunich.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003


ben's out of the office, so mark is in charge. we have decided to call him Number Two. Robin suggested bringing in an eye patch for him, a la robert wagner in gold member. mark loves all this attention.

mark, talking to ryan: sit at kristin's desk; you'll be surrounded by estrogen. you'll get in touch with your sensitive side. but you have to try to keep some of your masculine side in the [shouts] female ghetto [end shout] we call project management.

oh he can think he's in charge. we'll let him do all the dirty work. but we know. we know....

Saturday, August 09, 2003

i am unsure if i can still publish from my macintosh. on thursday it said it wouldn't let me. but it gave my pc full access. rzzl frzzl blogger.

the blog these days has been bo-ho-ring. i know folks, i know. i might be going through a weening myself off of my computer phase. or maybe i am just working a lot. i am working a lot and not procrastinating much. i'm wiping myself out. cue surf music.

today i am in orange county. i haven't spent so much time here since i lived here. i come down a minimum of once a month if not every other week if not every weekend. me and the 405? we're like this (showing the crossing of fingers).

time was when the 405 was the Nice Freeway. when did it get so battered and ignored? it's a freekin' nightmare. i now use the same adjectives as britney. or maybe she uses the same adjectives as me.

this is a rambly post.

today we are going to la to culturefy ourselves. the getty? disney concert hall in the making? lunch in malibu? strolling through the promenade? walking amongst the hipsters? gazing at the stars? the sky's the limit.

Thursday, August 07, 2003


we are all about the snacks here at ye ol' dub ay. salty. chocolatey. you name it we eat it. and we keep them at our desks. but none more than shawn... who's got his own stock pile of le petit ecolier. meanwhile, we work across the street from taco works where at any time of the day we can go for a bag of still warm super salty tortilla chips.

i got some this afternoon and circled the office, offering handfuls.

montano, taking two handfuls: thank you!
shawn: those are evil!
montano: those are evil? your whole desk is evil.
okay okay — i'm over it

phew. what i love about life: heavy times dissipate to unheavy times. often all that separates is a good night's sleep. presto change-o.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

can i get a sigh?


life is heavy right now. it's not bad — it's just thick. i'm sure in a year i'll know what to think of it. but right now i'm in the thick of it. and you can't think of it when you're in the thick of it.

my new mantra is "don't agonize, organize."

how dry. how boring. how stilted. how controlling.

how much it makes me want to not admit it.

and yet it is true. i think a lot of what i am going through personally has to do with organization and follow through (or lack there of). things i want in my life... why aren't they happening? i am realizing that if i want them to happen i need to take them out of my future-box and babystep myself to get there.

how boring. how calculated. how humdrum.

i gotta get over my naysaying free-flowing, chaos-lovin' scaredycattin' inner coward.

(my horoscope promises me a teacher and a mentor. i can't wait.)

girl on upturned rock

and speekina teachers and mentors, today i visited my chiropractor-slash-feldenkrais doctor. he is a miracle worker. a real "healer." for me anyway. since the stress hit i have quite literally felt the stress squeeze my muscles into tight little balls. i thought i could release them myself you... you know... with wishful thinking or by burying my head in the sand or a myriad of other self-healing measures i use.

to no avail.

the doctor said, your diaphragm is closed, your heart is closed, your shoulders are closed etc etc all the way up my body. and mr. miracle worker began to work his cure. he is amazing. no bone cracking, just muscle releasing. he is so great. he says that his goal is to work himself out of a job. so though he is a chiro, his goal is to see you less and less and less. he's cured me of a minimum of once a month visit to my other chiro, not to mention acupuncture and lots of massage. now i just go in for tune ups. and he is the type of man who gets you excited about relaxing and/or just wanting his job. what a great job.

line o birds

finally, my new thing is listening to this american life online. they have a whole archive — about five years nine years worth of archives. you can go and download an entire show and listen. so this is what i do when the clock hits 5:30 and i can finally do all the work i couldn't do because i was in frickin' meetings all day. and it is great. i like ira glass, but i love anne lamott. i love david sedaris and i love sarah vowell. they are my current favorites. tonight though i listened to russell banks). his story was so — honest and real and unflinching and delicious. it just makes you want to do your own story for this american life.

and that my friends is one of my new little dreams.


are you still looking at everyone's entries from 26 things? woodencracker, i just noticed, has his up. check it out.

Sunday, August 03, 2003

oh, see

an o.c. weekend. my brother, who is all of 16 and lives in halifax nova scotia and has already shot his own movie and plays bass and who is in a band and who has built three computers and who skateboards and does bike-tricky-stuff and who can recite awholelottasimpsons on command, is down south, behind the proverbial orange curtain with my dad and his wife. fun time spent with the fam.

i can't tell if i'm getting shin splints from a five mile walk around turtle rock (the turtle rock loop) or 8+ hours driving in traffic. :) i'm leaning towards blaming the 101 and the 405 as it only hurts on the gas&brake leg.

Friday, August 01, 2003


patrick r. (putting on headphones): i've got a whole nother thing for friday music.
marya: what's that?
patrick r.: friday be over music.