on why i love mark morford, part I

Writes Morford, "Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer and most vile town-killing mass-consumerist faux-Christian leviathan of dumbed-down sweatshop landfill swill that numbs your will to live and kills souls dead, on Monday increased its sales forecast for August. Wal-Mart said it was expecting sales in stores open at least a year to increase sales by between 4 percent and 6 percent for the month, mostly due to its ongoing water supply-poisoning brain-control program in the nation. In sales last week, Wal-Mart said its best-selling categories were food, electronics, men's apparel, hardware, pharmacy, toys and intimate apparel. Wait wait wait. Did you just say "intimate apparel"? Why yes, yes I did. Does that mean, you know, underwear and lingerie? Why yes, yes it does. Does that mean somewhere deep in the tragically warped national psyche millions of sexually denuded erotically misinformed persons are actually somehow beginning to link sensuality and erotic behavior and intimacy of any kind whatsoever with the overlit landfill wasteland that is Wal-Mart? Why yes, I'm afraid it does. The company said sales were strongest on the East Coast. Does that mean you should avoid dating anyone on the entire eastern seaboard who enthusiastically pores through the lingerie section of the latest Wal-Mart circular? Why yes, yes it absolutely goddamn does."