so i woke up in a slightly crappy mood. not really interested in meditating. and then that kind compounded my crappy mood because here is the deal: doing what you say you are going to do helps alleviate a crappy mood. it just does. for me. and that is because it is a step of faith and commitment. as opposed to being a big talker.
i'm so done being a big talker.
and then i read this:
The practice of mindfulness defuses our negativity, aggression, and turbulent emotions, which may have been gathering power over many lifetimes. Rather than suppressing emotions or indulging in them, here it is important to view them—your thoughts and whatever arises—with an acceptance and generosity that are as open and spacious as possible. Tibetan masters say that this wise generosity has the flavor of boundless space, so warm and cozy that you feel enveloped and protected by it, as if by a blanket of sunlight.And so yes. I will sit.
— Sogyal Rinpoche