Wednesday, September 17, 2008

i could have been an eagle

i could have been an eagle, originally uploaded by emdot.

When it comes to people, I feel pretty resilient. I genuinely like damn-near everyone and I genuinely get along with damn-near everyone. So, maybe that is why I feel so "heart broken" or sad or confused about one person in my life who just simply hates me. And can't be nice. Has to be nasty (even with her nice face on).

Normally I am a firm believer in the "there are two sides to every story" -- even when it comes to myself -- but for this one, seriously? I did nothing wrong. Nothing. In fact, there is no way where I could have done anything right-er.

We used to be friends. And then we weren't (I was collateral damage in a relationship breakup... where the friends get cut out too). And to this day it still breaks my heart.

There is nothing I can do.

And truly I know I shouldn't take it personally (the way she treats me). This isn't about me. This is about her life-skill-set. Yet... it just hurts me to the bone.

And that's that. Maybe blogging it will help me feel better.

(Hello. Plus, I almost cried during a film trailer today, so maybe I'm just having an emotionally delicate time).


alexiperplexy said...

Okay, so now I have tears brimming in my lower lid cause of that trailer too. I must be a little fragile myself. I am sorry to hear someone can't make the leap to get over whatever is getting in their way about you. Their loss.

sparkle said...

unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of that going around. a good friend of mine is dealing with a similar situation with a family member... it's a long story but i finally let go of (some of) my anger for her family member because i realized how unhappy and in what pain she must be in to treat my friend that way. i've gotten as far as *wanting* to do tonglen for her, but i haven't quite managed it yet. :-)

emdot said...

sparkle and alexiperplexy... thank you both.

i think wanting to do tonglen or maitri for someone... just being open to that, can be a big step in and of itself.