okay, it's not that bad

my boohooing had one good affect: i got a phone call from katej. i've known kate for five years. she lives in the winterest part of canada. okay, perhaps not the winterest part, but damn near. she's part of [dw], my little cyber-enclave. and tonight she called me to make sure i was okay. and when we hung up — after almost an hour — she said, "now do you have my phone number? just in case...."

we talked and laughed and laughed. and in between the laughter we hit on some real things. like how life actually gets rawer as you get older. and i said how if you let yourself think about it you would cry every day. and not because it is sad so much as it is just tender.

i mentioned that i grew up in a small town...

kate: how big was it?
mar: oh, less than ten.
kate: ten?
mar: ten thousand.
kate: i thought you meant only ten and i would say that is smaller than the town i grew up in which had 150.
mar: that's not a town; it's a neighborhood.
kate: well it was a village; it might only be a hamlet now.

i talked to timothy, too, who also had words of advice.

he said, about my recent struggles... "you know, "x" isn't the same as it was when it first came into your life."

and that is cryptic but it was lightningbolt clear when he said it and it is so true.

and i wonder how many of us go through life clinging to things that aren't what they were when they first came into our lives?

i'm sure i could write that more eloquently, but that is going to have to do for now.

xoxo (for kate, etc),