overheard

Anna: I told Marya because she is frequently excited.
Me: Did you say frequently or freakishly?
Anna: I said frequently but I meant freakishly.

suze orman challenge

day in the life: lunch money, originally uploaded by emdot.

A week ago Suze Orman issued Americans a challenge.

• For one day, don't spend any money
• For one week, don't use your credit card
• For one month, don't eat out in restaurants.

We are up for the challenge!

The first two challenges are pretty easy for me. One day? No problem! No credit cards? No problem.

But a month without eating out? It's safe to say that I have not done that in 30 years (and I am not exaggerating). One week would be a challenge for me. One month? HUGE!

I'm for it. We started yesterday. Wish us (me!) luck. :)

again, note to self

see, Jesus, no big thing, originally uploaded by emdot.

From Christine Kane's blog:

Here’s my theory:

1 – The amount of dread you feel is directly proportional to the feeling of relief you’ll feel once you simply complete the dreaded task.

2 – The longer you put something off, the more perplexed you’ll be that you just didn’t do the thing you were dreading sooner.

3 – Anyone reading this article thinking of some dreaded thing in their life – this is the week to do it.

This photo is from Friday. Steve and I drove up to Monterey for his birthday and hit the aquarium. From the deck (?) outside the aquarium I could see this egret way off in the distance, seemingly standing on the water. I'd never seen that before (and egrets are practically the national bird of er, the county at least. ha.). He flew off after a while and found another kelp stand. And then another. Smart bird.

immediate access to cutting through your (MY) bullshit (a note to self)

shimmer glimmer glamour (west texas version), originally uploaded by emdot.

It might be a somewhat depressing prospect to realize that you are so thoroughly soaked in this greasy, heavy, dark, and unpleasant thing called samsara, or confused existence, but that realization is tremendously helpful. That understanding alone is the source of realizing what we call buddha in the palm of your hand -­ the basic wakefulness already in your possession. Such vajrayana possibilities begin at this point, right here, in realizing your samsaric anxiousness. Understanding that anxiety, which is very frustrating and not so good, is the key to realizing where you are.

The only way to work with this anxiety is the sitting practice of meditation, the taming of your mind, or shamatha practice. That is the basic idea of pratimoksha, or “individual liberation”: taming yourself. The way to tame yourself, or to talk yourself out of this particular anxiety, is through the concentrated practice of shamatha or meditative discipline. The beginning of the beginning of the path...is about how you can actually save yourself from samsaric neurosis. — Chogyam Trungpa

When you take your Refuge Vow the teacher with whom you take your vow gives you a Tibetan name. The same thing happens in Tibet -- when the people there take their refuge vows they get a new name and I believe they actually go by it.

The name represents something about you that the teacher sees. I don't know very much about it, and actually see it as some kind of magic. Names are Tibetan but come with translations. For instance, Pema Chodron, the famous nun/teacher; that name was given to her at some point. And it means something.

My name (english translation) is Powerful Shamatha, which is a very uncommon name (many names run in the pack of peaceful, graceful, all-encompassing, lotus, ocean, warrior, etc). Often these names are double-edge swords -- your obstacle and your liberation. Your stumbling block, your talent.

As one who seems to have an extraordinary gift of anxiety, perhaps the Sakyong gave me my name as constant reminder: sit your butt down, Figueroa, and meditate.

with a measure of grace

with a measure of grace, originally uploaded by emdot.

Before enlightenment — chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment — chop wood, carry water.
— Zen Buddhist Proverb

I think you would be 100% safe to say about me "she doesn't really cook."

I think you would be 100% safe and kind of understating it, actually.

I don't cook. I don't like to think about cooking. I don't like to grocery shop. I don't like to think about ingredients. And don't even get me started about the pit of whirling, churning anxiety that curls itself inside my stomach if I think that something that I cooked would have to feed other people. Please, put me out of my misery (and yours!) and just let me go back to bed, turn out the lights and perhaps a get a prescribed shot of demeral (or some other anodyne).

So, if you were to know this than you would have been as surpised as I was when a cookbook jumped out at me on my last day in Flagstaff, Arizona. It didn't really leap as much as greet me open-armed and warmly; beckoned me with a wide smile and encouraging lifted brows that said "wanna be friends?"

I'd found the book in the back of a mountain sports store, aptly named The Mountain Sports Store. It was across the street from our hotel and I liked (no, loved!) everything inside its doors. The clothes, the atmosphere, the shoes, the water bottles. If I'd been a wealthy woman I would have bought it all.

When I saw the book I didn't so much see it as find it in my hands. And then my body in a chair. And then me opening up the pages. I perused it for 15 minutes or so, decided that I was still on a traveling budget and put the book back on its shelf and tried to memorize its name (Hells Bend Grill was what I came up with later when I tried to recall it. That and "In a State of Grace," equally ineffective when trying to find the book later via Google.).

About four hours later I went back to the store. Of course the book was still there. (It was there with 7 of its twinned brothers and sisters). This time I really did memorize its title and again left the store empty-handed.

15 minutes later and I was back again for a third time, which as we all know is a charm. So the book has come home with me and for some unknown mysterious reason I find myself really, heartily, sincerely and with anticipation, wanting to cook every single recipe in the book. And so I might. I might. I'll start small with something from the Winter section and we'll see how it goes. Regardless of outcome, I like the idea of shopping for the ingredients and spreading things out and mixing them together, and then sharing them with others. (Who AM I? I am still wondering.). (This is not the self I've known for many years.).

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It's a new year and I am really excited about it. Open and relaxed excited. Not wind-up poodle excited. :) Hello 2009. It's good to meet you.

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It's been hard to find my "word" for 2009 as it seems that I am striving more for a practice, than a word. A commitment of sorts to a routine that I know will bring me more time and health and creativity. But how to sum that up in a word? I thought of SURRENDER, as in surrendering to this practice. But surrender seems to come with some baggage and baggage I don't want.

Then I thought of ACTION because this routine is really about me getting out of my head and gently shifting from talking to doing. But for some reason action seems wrapped up with frantic motion, which I don't want. I don't want re-action either. More like easy-does-it this is how we approach the day god-damn I love my life doing than some kind of squeezing motion into meaning.

Then I thought of RELEASE and this one actually comes the closest. Release is a sequal to last-year's word which was declutter and is actually still a process I find myself very much in. I find release corny, but also succint and pithy. Anxiety? Release. Old stuck habits? Release. Jumping to conclusions? Fear? Numbing out? Dumbing down? Release release release.

Release just may be the word.

But then this morning, while perusing my new wonderful cookbook (which is really so much more than that), I turned a few pages and I found myself looking at the proverb at the top of this post. Chop the wood, carry the water. Chop the wood, carry the water.

As a Buddhist, this proverb holds dear meaning to me. I've also heard it as "after enlightenment, the laundry." I love that as well. To me it means, all that is well and good, but now get back to the basics. Keep going forward. Don't get stuck in the whirlpool of dwelling or fretting or making mountains out of molehills. Or, "yes Marya your ideas and plans and schemes and visions ARE brilliant. Now go to work and don't forget to brush your teeth."

And so there it is:

The word: Release
The theme: chop the wood, carry the water
The surprise: baking something
The future: Warm and welcoming and hello 2009

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This photo was taken on our last day in Flagstaff. 7s had gone on a photowalk. I was sitting on a stool in front of this wonderful picture window, sipping a hot toddy and finally finally finally catching up on Life Online (those of you who follow me on Twitter experienced my glee that day in a barrage of silly tweets). And I was crushing on my new book so I decided to photo it in the lovely town of Flagstaff, Arizona.

Thank you Flagstaff. :)

overheard

The Capital Steps NYE show was on NPR.

Steve: These are real people!
Me: I know! I've seen them live!
Steve: Please don't bring up deal breakers.

(6:32 PM Dec 31st, 2008 from twitter)

overheard

Me: If the shoe fits....
7s: Throw it.

Odetta

Written June 2001

And then Odetta. She had me in tears for about 10 minutes. She started out her set, sitting on her chair, looking all stately and royal and elegant and approachable at the same time. She said, I have something I want to read to you because every child and young person needs to hear it. Then she said, no I think everyone regardless of their age needs to hear it. And she read a part of nelson mandella's inauguration speech outloud.

I couldn't believe it because I had only heard this bit a couple of months ago - I read it on someone's web site in the beginning of april. It moved me so much that I copied it down and put it on my own web site that very day. Those are the only places I had ever read it or even seen it. And there was Odetta saying it to the whole crowd. I had tears in my eyes.

And then she started to sing "this little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine / this little light of mine / I'm going to let it shine / this little light of mine / I'm going to let it shine / let it shine / let it shine / let it shine.

Only, she wasn't planning on singing it all by herself. She stopped the song about 10 seconds into it and she let us know how it was going to be. It was really moving. I already had tears in my eyes and live oak is an emotional place for me. They started streaming down my cheeks.

And all I could think about is my good fortune in having certain books and thoughts and support just drop into my lap since April. I am so fortunate and I really know that.

It was serendipity, I think. Synchronicity. It was beautiful. After an amazing set that finished much much too early, Odetta closed her set singing the same song and again, we all joined in (in fact had our own solos) and by then the singing was much more loud and beautiful.

That was from back in the day when I hand-coded each of my blog posts, only we called in Online Journal in those days. :)

Overheard

Me: Odetta was amazing.
(pause)
Me: Did you know she had a very poor daughter?
Steve: No.
Me: Indebta.
(pause)
Me: She also had another daughter. A mean one. Vindetta.
Steve: And the daughter she couldn't remember?
Me: Fo-getta!
Steve: And the one on the Simpson's...
Me: ??
Steve: D'oh-getta.
Me. No. (stern face)
Pause.
Me: Did you know one of her daughters was in a Spike Lee movie?
Steve: Ho-getta?
Me: No! Mo-Betta!
Steve: And Ho-getta.
Me: (shakes head)....

this photo has been making me happy all day

, originally uploaded by heather.

What I Wish Someone Would Invent: An Easier Way to Share My Google Reader Faves

I am a huge Google Reader user.

It took me a while to get on board that train, as before I was a huge Google Reader user, I was a huge lover of going to visit the sites I loved. I love seeing the entire site, not just the post. It was hard to let go of that. But let go (mostly) I did as Reader became easier and better to use and I realized how much time I saved getting everything in one place.

But what Google Reader is missing is an easier way to share what you love in your Reader. Sure, they give you stars for faving and an ability to share (with or without a note) with a few handful of people who opt-in through Gmail. And, they also give you a widget (what they call a window) that you can put on the sidebar of your blog so people can get a link to what you've recently shared (see the right-hand side of my blog for an example).

But I want to be Kottke, dammit. :) I want to easily be able to share an excerpt, a headline, a link and what I think of as a normal blog post. Flickr does this — one click and I can share a photo right into my blog. Why can't Google do the same?

It would be a great service: you can easily share the great things you see and read right in your blog, and the original-writer gets correct links back, correct attribution, and all the rest.

So that is my wish. Somebody please invent this and then let me know about it. :) I will shout praises to your name right here in my little ol' Blog.

overheard

We often talk to the cat. And one of the things we most often say is "Chapin, you're a cat." Which is why this cracked me up.

7s: Chapin you are two things: a doofus and a dorkus.

Lawrence Lessig on Charlie Rose

Worth your next 38 minutes: the latest Charlie Rose interview of Lawrence Lessig. Topics covered: Lessig's insights on Barack Obama (Lessig has known him since the 90s); mash ups, creativity, and copyright; corruption in congress; and "the next big thing." This interview was very inspiring. I hope you get a chance to listen/watch it.

you choose it

stranger on the rocks, originally uploaded by emdot.

"I recovered my immense will to live when I realized that the meaning of my life was the one I had chosen for it." — Paolo Coelho

via Superhero Journal

poison or seed

dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know, your stairway lies on the whispering wind, originally uploaded by emdot.

Karma means that whatever we do, with our bodies, speech, or minds, will have a corresponding result. Each action, even the smallest, is pregnant with its consequences. It is said by the masters that even a little poison can cause death, and even a tiny seed can become a huge tree. And as Buddha said: “Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.”

Similarly he said: “Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.” — Sogyal Rinpoche

Heh.

So cool: "Meh" enters the dictionary. Ironically, the only appropriate response is yea!! :) Meh is definitely one of my favorite words. :)

pretty much two years ago

like a foreign land, originally uploaded by emdot.

Today I worked very hard. It was just one of those days: lots to do and lots of strange energy to do it. (Strange because I am fighting either horrific allergies or a tenacious, low-level cold) (you'd think i'd have less energy). Seriously, I think I had a fever for most of the day.

Because of this, I have nothing to write about. So I thought I'd dip into my flickr archives and see what I could find there.

I found photos from an afternoon at San Carpoforo at the southern tail end of BigSurLandia. 7s and I went and looked for moonstone, but found mostly agate. We sat on the beach and drew in the sand and thanked our lucky stars. It was a very good day. (You can see more photos from this day below)

www.flickr.com

sunday morning light

sunday morning light, originally uploaded by emdot.

I'm reading Martha Beck's book Steering by Starlight for the second time in two weeks.

The first time I "read" it was on tape (or MP3 or iPod or however we say such things now). I did a couple of the exercises in real-time, but the listening was so good that it was hard to stop and do the exercises instead of just plowing ahead.

It ended and for days I was on the weirdest, nicest, calmest, happiest Vacation of Bliss I had ever experienced. This includes at least one day where I was in a situation that was Not So Good. But it just didn't stick (the Not So Goodness)... it kind of just slipped away (not that I was avoiding it).

This time I am reading the book (reading reading) and doing the exercises at the same time. And again with the happy lightness.

So, I urge you to get this book. And if nothing else, just read the first three chapters and do the exercises. Just that could set you into this wonderful zone as well. And I wish that for everybody. :)

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Tidbits

Last night, dinner at Novo with Steve. Really fun and nice to be out having dinner. :)

I have SURRENDERED to the fact that I have allergies. Not a cold. This morning I took my first-ever Claritin D and man, I feel better. Still exhausted. But better.

Yesterday I stumbled upon the tail-end of the Proposition 8 Protest in Mitchell Park and took photos.

My Photojojo Time Capsule

hummer, originally uploaded by emdot.

Photojojo is a fun little service that sends you a time capsule of your more "interesting" photos posted to Flickr the year before.

I love getting these every two weeks... they are like little email presents. And as always, seeing your photos in a different venue (even just a different web site) makes them look different and somehow more special (really; it's true.).

» See my most recent time capsule
» Get one for yourself

me and the little munchkin

me and the little munchkin, originally uploaded by emdot.

What is ignorance?

ghost of a dog (pigeon version), originally uploaded by emdot.

As Buddha said in his first teaching, the root of all our suffering in samsara is ignorance. Ignorance, until we free ourselves from it, can seem endless, and even when we have embarked on the spiritual path our search is fogged by it. However, if you remember this, and keep the teachings in your heart, you will gradually develop the discernment to recognize the innumerable confusions of ignorance for what they are, and so never jeopardize your commitment or lose your perspective.

— Sogyal Rinpoche

The above is something you hear a lot if you are a Buddhist (at least one following a Tibetan lineage; I can't speak for other flavors).

Today I read this and it did a kapow zing to my spine. I read it as I'd never heard it before.

Does "ignorance" mean the incorrect "stories" we have that wrap around our every day experiences? The way we see ourself limited? Or see ourselves not connected to everything around us? The way we can perceive people to be against us? The way we can view ourselves as against others?

I'm reading Steering by Starlight, a kapow zing book by Martha Beck that is literally crumbling all kinds of mental barriers I have had throughout my life.

And reading this book has given me a crazy, bullish (as in tenacious) feeling of ease and glee.

And I wonder if that has to do with tearing down large parts of my ignorance.

Food for thought.