two horoscopes

Monday morning Rebel sent me this:

...I decided to put together a horoscope for you today....here goes ;)

Who knew you were so damn good at drawing with your toes baby? Or figuring out how to caulk holes without any caulk? Be surprised by some of your hidden talents today lover! You're ready to make constructive changes right now, and to make them quickly! Try harder than usual to manage your time wisely, 'measure twice and cut once.' Do it right the first time sugar!

As to the romance bit.....The best romance is a fun romance -- don't forget to play. Seriousness is overrated.

Bottom line is...the universe has set you up with nothing but lovely green lights. Take advantage of it quickly hawchie chawchie! It don't get much better than that!

And oh, yeah...I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Now I couldn't tell if she had really found that or had made it up on the spot. Either way, there seems to be a trend in the stars as the following came from Brezny:

It's high time for you to lose control—in the most constructive way possible, please. You can no longer afford to be as tightly wound as you've been lately. To get yourself in the mood for breakthroughs that will prevent breakdowns, consider carrying out some of the following acts. Fingerpaint on your TV screen. Dance on your bed, imitating a black bear that has drunk a bottle of vodka. Ask an intimate friend to use lipstick to write "I am inscrutable" on your belly. Have dinner with a person who makes you uncomfortable in an interesting way. Buy a bull penis walking stick at Bumsteer.com and use it on a stroll to the corner store. Write candid confessional letters to people from whom you've been hiding an important truth, but don't mail the letters.

*choosing to ignore the walking stick suggestion. but besides that one, you gotta admit, good advice.