I'm a loser baby...

Would you believe me if I were to tell you that for way more than the majority of my life I have not been a big TV watcher? My sister? My sister was the TV watcher. Me? I actually got in trouble in elementary school by my step-father for reading too many books. "Put that book down and come watch tv with the rest of us!" he said and I was probably grounded or made to wash walls or something.

I wish I was making that up, but I'm not. And that is just one of the many pieces of evidence I could enter into this Court of Blog to prove that I am indeed Not Guilty of Losing My Life to the TV-Couch combo.

Until this year. This year, I dunno what happened. Was it reading Heather Havrilesky and wishing I was half as clever as she is and realizing that not only does she love TV but that TV watching actually pays her bills? Was it thinking that Heather is cool and she likes TV so that makes TV cool?

Or was it Monday night poker with Gin and Tonics where the TV just happened to be on in the background (or was it the other way around: Monday night TV with Gin and Tonics and poker just happened to be on in the background?)

Regardless of which way it was or what was the tipping point, I think I am a bonafide TV watcher now. And a blogger. This is gen-u-wine loser status, if it were not for my Permanently Cool For All of Eternity Hall Pass I earned by age 23. Yeah, I'll be pulling that puppy out for the next 3 decades at least. I'd better laminate it.

Meanwhile. Here's some funny crapola about TV that I will share with you just because it is late and why is my computer on? and I'd much rather just go to sleep but hands.will.not.stop.typing.

Television without Pity is Funny. What it says about the Holy Church of Carrie Bradshaw: This stupid, fluffy, and sometimes stale "comedy" with the shelf life of an open bag of chips on a rainy day made a heroine out of a neurotic, skinny shrieker-monkey who had bad affairs for reasons inexplicable to her three mismatched friends, Slutty, Prissy, and Bossy. Long-term plot "questions" were resolved neatly in the finale (Charlotte got a baby! Samantha found love! Big's name is John! And Miranda's heart grew three sizes that day!), but no one ever answered the questions of what wardrobe wrangler Pat Fields was smoking and whether she soaked it in formaldehyde....

Sheesh. Shrieker Monkey. Now that shit is funny.

And if you are really bored at work today — and it's Friday anyway for pete's sake — read The Apprentice subsite on TVwP. Whoever this Miss Alli is, she is funny. Funnier even then Heather Havrilesky. Or however you spell her name. See? Already, Heather's been passed over for someone snarkier. But I tell you, Miss Alli won me over for many funny, insightful things, but the "boyfriend Bill" part was just too on the money. And she even made the Clip show a good read. NBC couldn't even do that.

» TVwP: The Apprentice
» The Apprentites
» Is Bill really her boyfriend?

And as a total aside, I once new a girl who had a friend whom she referred to as TV Time Boy and there is an excellent story that goes along with this moniker, but its hers and not mine to tell. But meanwhile, TV Time Boy is just a funny thing to have roll around in your head and pop up in the most weird moments and so I will share that with you and also let you know that the accompanying story was really pretty damn good. And it had to do with porn. That should get your imagination going.