the daily distraction
aka mark morford, how i love thee (part five)

god damn morford cracks me up. when you read him online you only get the column. when you subscribe to his mailing list you get his little latest-news-item run-on rants which are much more like newsblurb scatting or beat poetry ping pong or little snippets of stream of conscious yes yes yes. i think he's illegal in 29 states and shooting for 30. just a partial from today:

Schick is reportedly fast tracking the development of a new razor made from the petrified testicles of sacred Alaskan elk. The razor will sport not two, not three, not even four, but fully 147 gold-tipped titanium-honed blades clustered together in a massive head that lights up and spins and sings show tunes and is made in small climate-controlled batches by Tibetan eunuch monks.

Gillette, undeterred, has been long rumored to be developing a secret multiblade razor code named "Hot Bunny Doom" that will shave your cat and parallel park the SUV and translate what the hell your wife is blabbering on about into comprehensible English, all while programming the TiVo to tape only sports shows featuring guys with no necks who like to crush stuff with their foreheads.

» get your morford on