tres manos

tres manos, originally uploaded by emdot.

so another great weekend, but now it feels bittersweet

Aw, you know how it is with a blog. You spill, but you don't spill all. And things have been moving fast in the emdot neighborhood, but nothing that really translates into letters that morph into words on a blog.

Suffice it to say I had yet another fabulous weekend. But I miss him. I do. And he'll be back in a couple of days, but right now I'm in that space where, well, you know. I wannaseehimallthetime. I think we are both in that space. So my heart kinda aches. And phones suck. And email sucks. And distance sucks. And this time (as opposed to last week) they seem to be tripping up my tongue and hindering my communication skills. And/or skillz.

lesson number one

lesson number one, originally uploaded by emdot.

overheard

mar: i know all about that, dude.
dan: yer such miss know-it-all.
mar: I KNOW!!

back to Prestes Maia

back to Prestes Maia, originally uploaded by Tatiana Cardeal.

tati loves people and that shows in her photographs

It had been a while since I'd visited Tatiana Cardeal's photostream on Flickr. I didn't mean to not check it out, but there are so many photographers and so many groups and so many comments to leave and so many manies that sometimes the little gems that you have treasured so much (also Romanlily, DRP, and a handful of others) slip through your viewing fingers.

But today I was reminded to check out Tati's site and so faithfully off I trotted. And faithfully, she delivered.

Tati lives in Brazil and she focuses on the people with whom she comes into contact. And somehow, for her, that means indigenous people. People with the kindest eyes you've ever seen. Widest smiles you've ever seen. Most open countenances you've ever seen.

Somehow Tati shows you a new way to look at mankind. And will you roll your eyes if I tell you that the way is through your heart? She shows you people through her heart. And the only way you can get a glance is to open your own.

Last week Sevens mentioned the phrase "all the world loves a lover." And I don't know if it is that I'd never heard that phrase or if I had simply forgotten it. But it has become a mantranic background phrase for me in the last week. Yes, all the world does love a lover. There is so much truth wrapped up in that simple statement.

All the world loves a lover.

Open your heart and others will open theirs back to you.

See people with love and they will see you with love.

See the beauty in people and they will begin to see the beauty in themselves. And maybe pass that on to the next person they see.

It's like the ultimate pay-it-forward where everyone wins. And everyone benefits.

And for those of you out there who think otherwise.... Well, shoot, you probably don't read my blog. You probably roll your eyes in my general direction. But I guess what I want to say is (and shoot again, now I am thinking of a particular person [who i haven't spoken to in ages] and that never works — because it can become like preaching, can't it?) you do yourself a disservice by seeing the negative first. By choosing to not like. By choosing to nitpick or look for the negative or assume the worst or be so very afraid that you lock yourself up in your self-imposed dungeon and quite seriously, it brings tears to my eyes.

And I want to remind you that all the world loves a lover. And all the world is just waiting to love you back.

(Whew. How'd I get on this Soap Box Opera Hour?)

Go and check out Tatiana's photo stream. Slip in and let her love for her fellow human beings sweep you away, if even only for a moment.

xo to all. m.

Llanfair PG

Llanfair PG, originally uploaded by bigaldavies.

finally!

Hear how to pronounce this crazy Welsh town name -- the longest in the world.

» Listen now

all the world loves a lover

all the world loves a lover, originally uploaded by emdot.

Today is the birthday of Ralph Waldo Emerson. Go read some essays.

ocean's seven

ocean's seven, originally uploaded by emdot.

i just had the best week ever.

Neither can it be said, on the other hand, that the gain of rectitude must be bought by any loss. There is no penalty to virtue; no penalty to wisdom; they are proper additions of being. In a virtuous action, I properly am; in a virtuous act, I add to the world; I plant into deserts conquered from Chaos and Nothing, and see the darkness receding on the limits of the horizon. There can be no excess to love; none to knowledge; none to beauty, when these attributes are considered in the purest sense. The soul refuses limits, and always affirms an Optimism, never a Pessimism. — Emerson

yes yes exactly

To end the bizarre tyranny of ego is why we take the spiritual path, but the resourcefulness of ego is almost infinite, and it can at every stage sabotage and pervert our desire to be free of it. The truth is simple, and the teachings are extremely clear; but I have seen again and again, with great sadness, that as soon as they begin to touch and move us, ego tries to complicate them, because it knows it is fundamentally threatened.

However hard ego may try to sabotage the spiritual path, if you really continue on it, and work deeply with the practice of meditation, you will begin slowly to realize just how gulled you have been by ego’s promises: false hopes and false fears. Slowly you begin to understand that both hope and fear are enemies of your peace of mind; hopes deceive you, and leave you empty and disappointed, and fears paralyze you in the narrow cell of your false identity. You begin to see also just how all-encompassing the sway of ego has been over your mind, and in the space of freedom opened up by meditation, when you are momentarily released from grasping, you glimpse the exhilarating spaciousness of your true nature.

— Sogyal Rinpoche

outerspace in an agave

outerspace in an agave, originally uploaded by emdot.

overheard

me: uh oh. i just read our horoscopes. it doesn't look pretty.
him: well you know what that means...
me: no?
him: ab-so-lute-ly nothing.

(i totally admire how he doesn't get sucked into horoscopes. my weakness.)

utatamovies

utatamovies, originally uploaded by Catherine Jamieson.

Check it peeps: the latest Utata project is up and running. I gotta say, what blows me away the most about Catherine Jamieson is her penchant for the prolific. This woman produces. Books. Web sites. Templates. Photographs. Ideas. It's amazing.

Anyway, check out the site. I think you'll love it.

» Utata Goes to the Movies

overheard

me: and that is Santa Rosa Park. but i like to call it Santa Rosa Parks.
him: for that? you have to sit in the back of the bus.

remington gets ready for the big lights

remington gets ready for the big lights, originally uploaded by emdot.

Rem's Big Comedy Night

If you haven't seen Rem yet, or have 5 times already, this is the night to come!!!

Y'all Peeps:

It's official. I'm shooting a show for video on Saturday, May 27th, 8:00 PM *sharp*.

This is a very important shoot because if it goes well (meaning your laughs sound vaguely sincere) I'll be able to send it to personal management agencies in Hollywood. Yours might be the very laugh that brings me stardom! If you can make it (and BRING A FRIEND) I'd be deeply in your dept.

This show contains themes NOT suitable for CHILDREN! I'm all Disney, of course, but the opening act, Ms. Jill Turnbol, is pure filth. Jill has 13 years comedy circuit experience and, unlike me, never has a bad show.

The Grange Hall is on Broad St. next to Staples and Utopia Bakery. PLEASE BE ON TIME: seating will be tricky this time and Jill will only be doing 15 short minutes. (I'll be doing an hour!) Hope to see you there.

Love to all,

Rem

PS - Beer will be available at the show, but why not get a head start? #;->

shoot. i wish i had read this about 12 hours ago

Whatever joy there is in this world
All comes from desiring others to be happy,
And whatever suffering there is in this world
All comes from desiring myself to be happy.

— SHANTIDEVA

overheard

Him: I have a couple figures in my head.
Me: Figueroas in your head?
Him: One of them.

dreamy

Always recognize the dreamlike qualities of life and reduce attachment and aversion. Practice good-heartedness toward all beings. Be loving and compassionate, no matter what others do to you. What they will do will not matter so much when you see it as a dream. The trick is to have positive intention during the dream. This is the essential point. This is true spirituality. — Chakdud Tulku Rinpoche

Yesterday I became an ordained minister and can now officially marry Bret and KB in June. They got their marraige license and so we had to celebrate. T&T and McCarthy's. Amazingly delicious dinner at Guiseppes and whoops another T&T. And then the waiter came by and said "hey, howzabout another round?" and we were all, "YEAH!!" and then we wandered past McCarthy's again. Whoops. Went in. Whoops. Another round.

Needless to say, my car was left downtown and I had to retrieve it this morning (beautiful morning walk). And a very delicious super huge Americano was purchased. And all is right in the world. I think.

Doesn't matter. It's all a dream anyway.

open handed open handed open handed

To meditate is to make a complete break with how we “normally” operate, for it is a state free of all cares and concerns, in which there is no competition, no desire to possess or grasp at anything, no intense and anxious struggle, and no hunger to achieve: an ambitionless state where there is neither acceptance nor rejection, neither hope nor fear, a state in which we slowly begin to release all those emotions and concepts that have imprisoned us into the space of natural simplicity. — Sogyal Rinpoche

some very good convos

"Mirrors" have been coming up quite a bit in different conversations lately. You can be a mirror to someone else — maybe through you they can see something in themselves?

But the key, and this is what came up and I really really loved this, is the beauty of "shooting the mirror back and forth." That still makes me smile. And I think it is right and key.

Last night I touched base with JB and it's been a really really long time since we've talked. Really talked. I think like a year or so. And I got off the phone so freaking fired up for getting my life back on the right track.

I feel like I've been in such a rut for so long. I mean... hmmm.... it's almost been like a haze, like a blanket, like a fucked up crooked beckonging finger that lulled me into some kind of mind-numbing comfort of not doing the right thing. Like not exercising or eating right or doing yoga or meditation or any/all of those things that make my life fit. and Johnny said, "it's kind of up there with drinking, smoking cigarettes or taking junk." And I'm not sure why I loved that so much... probably the flippant sly inclusion of "taking junk" but he was right. He was right.

Not all of my life has been that hazy, rutty thing. In fact... there has been a smile creeping up on me for what seems to be day after day now for several weeks. And that is nice. And probably more about that whole shooting the mirror back and forth dealie.

waiting at the salon

waiting at the salon, originally uploaded by emdot.

guilty pleasure

The Caballero Sausage sandwich from Campus Market. OhmigodYUM.

Time was, when I was working at Web Ass, that lunches could not be big enough or long enough. I've already explained certain food issues here and they were in full swing at the Dub-A. I think it was the stress and the complete inability to get 1/2 of your work done any day ever. No matter who you were. So my lunches were boundless and endless (and luckily not a lot of dinner eating in those days).

Sometimes I trip on it at the new job. No snacking. No huge lunches. Just my caballero sando and a little something to drink. Times change.

ALA gets two on base

As they often do. That site is so consistently good that at times it's easy to take it for granted. Yesterday's articles were great:

• Four day work week
• Designers, Learn to Write

ohmigod total ear treat

So I've been styled with some really great music lately. New bands, old bands, new to me bands. Eclectic bunchings of latin to alt to indie to uncatagoried. For the last two weeks my biggest droolfest has been Caetano Veloso. Specifically (but not limited to) Lost in the Paradise (gaahhhh. I love it.). But my musical attention is now squarely and repeatedly on an old Leo Kottke song called "Jack Gets Up." I play it over and over and over again. Which you would know is extremely appropriate if you knew the song.

one ringy dingy

I got a new cell phone.

For those of you in the know, you know how truly obnoxious I am with my cell phone. Either (eeeether), it's never on me or it's not charged or I've forgotten to check my messages or I've lost it.

Part of the problem was that I hated my phone. It had poor reception and I sounded like crap back to my phone pals.

This has been solved. As of yesterday I am the owner of the cutest phone ever (at the best deal ever -- $50!!) It is feature-heavy -- 1.3 megapixel camera, video, MP3 player, recorder. It's orange. It twists. It's adorable.

And, even better, it is with me now. Charged even.

Miracles never cease.

me and kb

me and kb, originally uploaded by emdot.

pieces of me

At the Black Crowes concert I wore my hair in braids. I wore a bandana too, which I thought was smarty-smart since I knew the sun would be a blazing. There is nothing worse that burnt scalp. Especially if it begins to peel. Cuz that's just nasty.

So this morning, I am sitting here, typing away, minding my own business, doing my work and I smooth my hands over my hair in the back... kind of like a little pause gesture.

When I notice there is something stuck in my hair. Plaster? What is this? Weird.

Well, Einsteindot here did not take into consideration that the the part in the back of her head from the braids would get sunburnt. I'm totally peeling. And scalp peeling is nasty! Especially when I can't even see it.

So now I'm like tourrette's girl checking the hair on the back of my head every five minutes. Boooo.


(taking a very short break from work to write this)

tom: yo, m!
me: hi tom.
tom: don't tell me you can't not come out for a drink right now.
me: i can't.
tom: great! that means you can!
me: i can't. i can't. i'm so tired. (dribble drabble about no sleep and long work and shaky tiredosity).
tom: so i guess that means no beer or wine at sundown?
me: i want beer at sun down.
tom: great! i'll be over in two shakes.
me: yea! come over.

beer at sun down is too good to pass up.

summer comes early (spring came late)

summer comes early (spring came late), originally uploaded by emdot.

i am from

I am from a number two pencil, from Lancome Lipstick and Laurel's Cookbook.

I am from the sandy and the foggy and the smell of the bay.

I am from the saguaro, the eucalyptus, the ice plant, the oak tree.

I am from the treks to Big Sur and the jump in the car and go clan. I am from the long-limbed, from Figueroa and Hanson and Chavez and Phelps.

I am from the wanderers and settlers, the elaborators and the painters.

From the Spanish and the Stoics.

I am from Catholics and Lutherans and Agnostics and Buddhists. I'm from hodge podge tradition and long, formal lineage.

I'm from Arizona and Mexico and Oregon and Sweden, enchiladas with fried eggs and buckwheat pancakes with compote.

From the pacifist who moved back to Mexico in protest of war, the lovers that crossed an ocean to marry, the gatherers of tourquoise, the young mother who worked hard to provide, and the girl who came to the states all by herself to learn.

I am from shoeboxes and harddrives and cedar chests and bookcases, loaded with the weight of memories and loved ones and hopefulness and longing.

- - - - - - - - -

this is an old file i was playing with a year ago. i forget where i saw it, but i did see something like this on flickr (i think it was on flickr). i loved it. their version. and i began to plink away on my own, but never finished or refined. so here is mine in raw form. do you have one?

fancy footwork

fancy footwork, originally uploaded by emdot.

I am procrastinating. I hate it when I do this. It feels outside myself. I know I could knock it off.

In my pursuit of furthering my procrastinatory perfection, I went through a file called "need to file." I don't even know what half of this stuff is. I found this... I wrote it over a year ago, but I have no idea why or what inspired me. It's a little embarrassing. But that is what blogs are for, isn't it? Embarrassing ourselves for a later, eye-covered future?

I like

• Birds and trees. I go through stages of certain favorites. My current favorite bird is a crane. Almost any crane will do, but I like the subtly of the Sandhill Crane.
• My current favorite tree is a white-barked eucalyptus, they are like lazy-day sentinals with mottled muted trunks that remind me of whales or dolphins underwater.
• I like that my cat is a talker. He comes into the house and he offers a meow to see if I am home.
• I like the light in the mornings.
• I like paper. I like ink and paper. I like bookbindings and pages.
• I like a book with a good cover design.
• I like when people call me Mar. So familiar and friendly.


-----------


• symphony, a play, a speaker -- i like going to the hall, sitting there and soaking it in
• pops - summer outdoor at night concert
• santa barbara county bowl
• margaritas
• dancing
• that after yoga feeling
• the familiar
• crinkly eyes, crooked grins
• a knowing glance
• big sur
• beer at dusk
• live oak music festival
• summer morning
• hometown smell
• old people who hold hands
• arm over the shoulder
• belonging
• performing
• how light filters differently through
• different windows -- different directions, different shades
• the arches in my fathers house
• andrea scher, keri smith
• open-handed potential of beginning a new trip
• airports
• speed
• dancing
• the love poems of e. e. cummings
• connecting with a (new to me) poet
• the cleverness and irreverence of ogden nash
• singing
• skiing
• holding hands
• nuzzling with my nose
• clotheslines
• wide open sky and expanse of prairie
• towers of mountains
• male facial hair
• male body hair
• down pillows
• wine
• personal sacred spaces
• double rainbows
• shorts every day
• barefeet
• hand on the small of my back
• santa ana winds

the best advice...

the best advice..., originally uploaded by jamelah.

a little reminder.

If you were to draw one essential message from the fact of reincarnation, it would be: Develop a good heart that longs for other beings to find lasting happiness, and acts to secure that happiness. Nourish and practice kindness.

The Dalai Lama has said: “There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; my philosophy is kindness.”

— Sogyal Rinpoche

dear kristin, i have bad news

I didn't get my hair cut.

So now I will be going to Disneyland with not cute hair and my not cute hair will be in all of your bachelorette photos for the rest of your married eternity. Maybe I will wear a hat. And when I think of it, Disneyland is the perfect place for hats. And I do love the hats. So perhaps I will pretend that my hair does not suck and wear a hat. And later, in eternity, when people look back at your fun bachelorette photos they will say "oh and look at Marya with the cute hat." And only you and I will know the real truth.

A Day Without An Immigrant

A Day Without An Immigrant, originally uploaded by 7-how-7.

I stand by them, too.