Thursday, May 11, 2006

bursting out of the seams

open handed open handed open handed

To meditate is to make a complete break with how we “normally” operate, for it is a state free of all cares and concerns, in which there is no competition, no desire to possess or grasp at anything, no intense and anxious struggle, and no hunger to achieve: an ambitionless state where there is neither acceptance nor rejection, neither hope nor fear, a state in which we slowly begin to release all those emotions and concepts that have imprisoned us into the space of natural simplicity. — Sogyal Rinpoche

some very good convos

"Mirrors" have been coming up quite a bit in different conversations lately. You can be a mirror to someone else — maybe through you they can see something in themselves?

But the key, and this is what came up and I really really loved this, is the beauty of "shooting the mirror back and forth." That still makes me smile. And I think it is right and key.

Last night I touched base with JB and it's been a really really long time since we've talked. Really talked. I think like a year or so. And I got off the phone so freaking fired up for getting my life back on the right track.

I feel like I've been in such a rut for so long. I mean... hmmm.... it's almost been like a haze, like a blanket, like a fucked up crooked beckonging finger that lulled me into some kind of mind-numbing comfort of not doing the right thing. Like not exercising or eating right or doing yoga or meditation or any/all of those things that make my life fit. and Johnny said, "it's kind of up there with drinking, smoking cigarettes or taking junk." And I'm not sure why I loved that so much... probably the flippant sly inclusion of "taking junk" but he was right. He was right.

Not all of my life has been that hazy, rutty thing. In fact... there has been a smile creeping up on me for what seems to be day after day now for several weeks. And that is nice. And probably more about that whole shooting the mirror back and forth dealie.

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