the song remains the same
So my weird news of late has been me dating an old high school boyfriend. I think I mentioned this a few weeks ago.
So the long-story short is that we dated at the end of my senior year. We haven't seen each other in either 16 or 19 years (we can't remember). He only moved back to the Central Coast in January. Three weeks ago he was walking downtown and I drove by him on the street (stopped at the corner -- he was waiting to cross, I was waiting to turn; he saw me; I didn't see him) and he looked me up and called me minutes later. We've gone out a handfull of times since.
So, beyond the strange part of dating an old high school boyfriend, a few things have really been blowing my mind.
One, there is just no explaining connections. Me and this guy have a strong connection. And very few things in common. Well, we have history in common, but few things beyond that. To have a connection and little in common is a strange phenomena. It makes me believe in, or rather, want to explain it away as, past lives or some karmic hoo-haw.
Two, people don't change that much. Our dynamic is crazily similar to that of high school. And our relationship is playing out very similarly to the one we had in high school. Our paths have been night and day (we are night and day). He joined the army. He got married. He had kids. He's lived all over the states. I've stayed put. I never married. I went to college. I don't have kids. Yet, our interaction? Just turn back the clock. It's fucking crazy! The same good things. The same bad things. The same reactions. The same dilemmas. I find this fascinating, frustrating, sad and truth be told, really neat -- for lack of a better word.
I have been known to overly elaborate on how much I've changed. How different I am. I do feel, really, like a completely different person. But, dating Matt I am forced to admit: I'm not. I'm hardly changed at all.
I love that. I hate that. But more than anything, I just really marvel at it -- how we are who we are. From birth to death. So the question begs, can people change? And if they can, in what ways can they change?
Maybe growing older we just become ... hmmm... like a photograph.... the contrasts might get tweaked. The hue. A filter may come into play. But bottom line is, the image remains the same.
Funny how life works.
It is taking all my willpower to not type out where I think this puppy is headed. I don't want to write that here, cuz I think it is my defense mechanism playing out. So, my lips are sealed. And I'll just try to stay open to life as it presents itself.
And THAT -- that my friends -- is the difference.
No comments:
Post a Comment