Sharing a laugh

Sharing a laugh
Originally uploaded by OldhaMedia.

THIS PHOTO IS INSANE.

Growing up in California, we don't get a lot of swan action. In fact we get none. Or if we get any, it's all in zoos where people are always protected by fences and ditches and moats and three feet of indestructable plexiglass. So, needless to say, I didn't have a lot of experience with swans when I went naively off to Scotland for a winter. Scotland, where it seems they have a secret society of Ninja Swan that are put on this earth to kill you.

Swans are the most viscious and dangerous creatures on earth.

They look deceivingly beautiful and heavenly. But, hello, this is just the tactic the devil would take if he were put on earth to kill, kill, kill. From afar you can sigh and point and think how tranquil, how peaceful, how beautiful, how perfect.

But I am here to tell you people, up close and personal you should not have these thoughts. Ten feet and you should be thinking "uh oh, swan." Five feet and you should be thinking, "caution caution: it's only five feet away." Three feet and you should be patting your pockets hoping you were smart enough to bring along your concealed weapon. Two feet and you best be shielding your face and backing up really fast. One foot? You are obviously dead, eyes pecked out and neck wrung by the evil devil spawn swan who did you in before you could even yell "ugly duckling."

Basically, swans are snakes with beaks. Fast snakes that flap maniacal wings and rip you to shreds with talons of death. And where as the snake is usually napping and dreaming of rabbits, swans are basically swimming around fishing for humans by looking sweet and mother-goose innocent.

All of this to say, that is why I made this photo a favorite. Who is this insane woman? What brain lapse occurred that allowed her to think, "ah, lying on my belly here would be a splendid idea; I think I will put my eye next to beak of Satan."? And most importantly: what happened directly after this photo was taken?

Cuz come on, we can all see the face of the swan here. It's obvious what the swan is thinking. Have you ever seen a more self-congratulatory expression? This swan is wooing her in with his clever beauty and he is having a last laugh before feasting on her optical orbs.