For those who don't know about this movie, it is the sequel to Before Sunrise, a really sweet movie about chance meetings and real connections and how when we are young we may think these connections come often in life. Before Sunset is more about the slow realization that these real connections don't come that often in life.
Meanwhile a couple of random thoughts that may or may not make any sense and that may or may not be cohesive.
Every little slip... the smallest movement that is against "who you are"... these chip away at your heart. I see each of these as the smallest infidelities to the self. Often that little slip is when you don't have the guts to be true about ourselves/vulnerabilities. There is this poem that I love and have posted here a couple times, the first couple of lines are
If you don't know the kind of person I amTo me, that is a heartbreak of a stanza. I think I love that poem because it sums up some of my biggest weaknesses.
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.
Here's the other thing I was thinking of... this one about marriage.
When people complain about their marraiges, I think it is true: you could have made a grave mistake and married the wrong person. This happens all the time. But more often, when people talk about how their marriage has become boring.... I think they have become boring. Their marraige lost the spark?.... they lost the spark.
The last couple of months have been kinda difficult (as spelled out and/or implied in this blog) and I think it is good that I was single for this (though god, I would have loved to have had a shoulder or a hand to hold) because it would have been too easy to have blamed my funk on someone else. Single, self-employed, I look around and the only person I can point a finger at is me. My situations are all self-created (no big bad boss; no terrible job). And I actually feel grateful for that.
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